If you’re going through a break up right now then your emotions are super charged and heightened and you’re just not acting like yourself, am I right? Here’s the top 20 breakup mistakes that are not only driving your ex totally nuts but ensuring that you’re never going to get back together. I’m going to reveal what they are and then explain to you how you can completely clean the slate and still get them back.
I’ve compiled my top 20 break up mistakes after months of counselling both men and women in 31 countries going through a very painful break up. I invite you to read every single one and take notes if you need to and keep reading to the very end where I reveal how you can STILL get them back even if you’ve made every single mistake on this list!
Mistake #1 – Allowing Your Ex To Totally Control Your Life
You and your ex may not even be aware that they are doing this or that you are actually allowing your ex to do this but after your break up you gut reaction is to totally analyse virtually every facet of your relationship and your break up to the verge of driving yourself nuts.
That’s not going to achieve anything and will only keep you stuck in the healing process.
Mistake #2 – Staying Friends With Your Ex
Many brokenhearted people stay friends with the ex for one sole reason – in the hope that one day they’ll realize that they’re really meant to be together.
WRONG. Once you get set in the friend trap it’s very hard to get out of and it’s not something I recommend.
Mistake #3 – Bombarding Your Ex With Text Messages
Basically you’re not leaving your ex alone because you’re not wanting them to get on with their life without you.
This is one of the worst things you can do because often all it does is ensure that they’ve made the right decision not being with you right now.
Mistake #5 -Firing Off Angry Emails To Your Ex
As above, when you make this mistake you are venting on your ex angry at the pain that they’ve caused you.
THIS IS A NO-NO because all it will do is drive potentially a permanent wedge between you and will ensure your ex moves on real fast.
Mistake #6 -Firing Off Desperate Emails To Your Ex
This mistake is different to the one in #5 because rather than being angry you’re being desperate. You’re acting pretty wimpy trying to get your ex to understand how much they’ve broken your heart and how much you need them in your life.
When you behave in this way you’re acting high maintenance and also way too desperate and that is NOT going to be attractive to your ex!
Mistake #7 -Ringing Your Ex Around The Clock
Let’s face it, you’re not ringing them up with good intentions – you’re ringing them up because you want to know where they are, are they home, who are they with, is someone at home with them?
This kind of harassing behaviour could end up with you being served with an AVO so hold off, this is not the way to get your ex’s attention!
Mistake #8 -Stalking Your Ex Regularly At Places Where They Hang Out
Right, all of a sudden you have this insane desire to just be wherever your ex goes — because if you aren’t there how are they ever going to think about you now that you are no longer together, right??
WRONG! Not only will this not look like a coincidence but it will really put your ex off, it will put your friends off and your ex’s friends off and you could end up with a nice little visit from a policeman!
Mistake #9 – Lending Your Ex Money
So you’re throwing good money after bad at your ex because you believe this way you’ll be able to stay in contact with your ex and they’ll “owe you”.
WRONG AGAIN. You’re setting yourself for not only an emotional fall but a financial fall here….Once your ex knows they can come to you as their automatic ATM they’ll be feeding you with lies and crap to make you feel that you’re special to them…..but there will always be a BUT!
Mistake #10 -Staying Friends With Your Ex’s Family
While there’s nothing wrong with being on friendly terms with your ex’s family, if you suddenly start hanging out with them in the hope of accidentally bumping into your ex then that’s not a good thing.
Mistake #11 -Trying To Make Your Ex Jealous
The key to making someone jealous is NOT making it obvious. However, many people unfortunately aren’t very good at this and make it real clear when they have their cousin’s best friend from interstate playing their instant love interest when they come into town on a quick visit.
You’ll actually have much better luck by moving on with your life and not being afraid to meet new people.
Mistake #12 -Having Sex With Your Ex
Yep, I had a fellow email me recently saying we’ve just broken up and we’re seeing each other tomorrow to have sex, is that okay?
Why would you think that’s okay?
I mean, if you want to be your ex’s boyfriend or girlfriend you have got to stop acting like their girlfriend or boyfriend when you’re no longer in a relationship with them — otherwise what incentive will they ever have to get back together with you.
Mistake #13 – Constantly Asking Your Ex For A Second Chance
You can’t cope without your ex, that’s clear, but you don’t need to make it constantly obvious to your ex all the time.
While that will certainly stroke their ego it will also drive them probably totally crazy so lay low and you’ll achieve much better results.
Mistake #14 -Bad Mouthing Your Ex to Your Family And Friends
Unless you plan on never getting back together with your ex don’t talk badly about him or her to everyone close to you. And definitely don’t reveal some juicy tidbits that your ex would die if she knew you’d told them.
You’ve got to think of the big picture here….Your ex will never come back to you unless she’s 100 percent comfortable in doing so.
Mistake #15 – Bad Mouthing Your Ex To Their Family And Friends
It applies even more so to the friends and family of your ex. Don’t ever think for a moment that they’ll keep their conversations with your ex private from them.
If you bad mouth her you’re going to not only get your ex’s hackles off side but also those of their friends and family!
Mistake #16 -Throwing Pity Parties
Another desperate effort to get back together – making your ex feel so sorry for you….some people even dare to say that they’ll kill themselves if they don’t get back together with you.
Not only is that blackmail that’s totally childish and an unfair kind of pressure to put onto your ex — and your relationship, even if you got back together, would have low chances of success!
Mistake #17 – Driving Your Friends And Family Insane By Always Talking About Your Ex
Okay this is going to hurt a little but you did have a life before your ex – and guess what — you managed to actually carry some interesting conversations before you met your ex. So don’t drive your friends and family totally nuts and isolate yourselves from people who really care about you.
Mistake #18 – Coming Across As Needy And Clingy To Your Ex
This may be your gut reaction but all this behaviour is going to do is reinforce your ex’s desire not to be with you because you’re so high maintenance.
Mistake #19 -Giving Threats And Ultimatums
You’re desperate and totally acting irrationally and all you want is your pain to go away so you’ll do just about anything to get your ex back.
Dishing out threats and ultimatums isn’t going to bring you a happy ending so behave with self-dignity instead and you’ll be amazed at the difference.
Mistake #20 -Being Vengeful
You’re angry and you want them to HURT so you’re gonna pay them back, right??
WRONG! You’ve got to think long term here…..that is going to not only infuriate your ex but everyone they know and could also land you in a lot of trouble with the law!
Hey, I said 20 break up mistakes but I’m going to throw in one more for good measure, okay.
BONUS – Mistake #21 -Making False Promises That You’ll Change
Okay, we all have some little things that we could probably improve about ourselves and some of these may be quite realistic….however, others don’t even bother.
While it’s possible to spruce yourself up a little there’s no use pretending to be someone you’re not because your armour will come off when you least expect it and you’ll be on your own again anyway.
Now that’s quite a list, isn’t it?
Do you know why these are so common mistakes?
Because your emotions are completely out of control as a result of your break up and you will do JUST ABOUT ANYTHING to make the pain stop — and to get your ex back.
You and I both know that acting this way isn’t the real you, is it?
You’re not a stalker, you’re not usually clingy, needy, or desperate or even so obsessed as you’ve been lately!
Let’s put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. If your ex was acting the way you have been recently would YOU want them back?
Let’s face it — you’re high maintenance, you’re highly emotional, you’re clingy, you’re desperate, your obsessive — you’re NOT the person that your boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband fell in love with?
How To Completely Wipe The Slate Clean
What you need to do first of all is accept right at this second that you ARE broken up (but in your mind it’s temporary).
Then what you need to do is heal AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE so you can unleash the real you under all that emotional turmoil that your ex fell MADLY IN LOVE with.