Your wife isn’t happy. In turn, that makes you unhappy because we all know a miserable wife makes marriage that much more challenging. You’ve likely already tried a few approaches to lighten her mood. You’re running out of ideas though and it’s wearing on you. How long are you supposed to try and interact with a partner who is obviously incredibly unhappy? If you don’t find a way to change the dynamic of your marriage you can expect things to continue to head downhill at breakneck speed. Just because your wife can’t find her own happiness, that doesn’t mean you have to continually subject yourself to her unpleasant moods.
Remove Yourself from Your Wife’s Presence if She’s Being Personally Unkind
Being married does not give your wife free reign to treat you in any way that is less than completely respectful. Granted, all marriages cycle through difficult times in which arguments are par for the course each and every day. Regardless of what you two are struggling with, your wife has no right to be deliberately hurtful or nasty to you just because she’s not happy.
The best thing you can do when she is behaving in this manner is to leave the room. Tell her that you’re not going to allow her to treat you that way and leave. This may feel foreign to you if you’re the type of husband who digs in his heels once your wife throws an insult in your direction. Do your best to emotionally remove yourself from the situation so that you can physically walk out.
It may create more of a fuss in the short term, but overall it’s a good way to protect not only your emotions but your marriage too. As much as we wish we could take back every uncomplimentary thing we’ve ever said to our spouse, that’s just not possible.
Talk to Your Wife About Her Mood When She’s Not in the Depths of It
The best time to speak to your wife about her ill mood and how it’s impacting you and the marriage, is when she’s not deeply irritable. Obviously, her mood is bound to shift once you broach the subject of her behavior but it’s best to begin the conversation when she seems in better spirits.
It’s also crucial that you don’t simply start a dialogue about what she’s doing wrong. You need to preface it by telling her how much you love her and how fundamentally important the marriage is to you. List all the things about her you truly adore and explain to her that there isn’t anything in the world that is as important as her happiness to you.
Once you’ve done that it’s time to launch into the meat of the matter. Be kind when you tell her that you find her miserable moods to be harmful. You may find it better to simply state that you’ve noticed that she’s just not very happy and you’d like to help her understand why that is.
Ask her if there’s anything in particular that is causing her to be miserable. Explain that regardless of what it is you believe, as her life partner, that you can help her with it.
It’s important that you be prepared, at this point, for her to pull back. It’s likely that this will indeed happen because your wife may feel cornered or she may truly not know what is causing her unhappiness.
Work on Creating an Environment Geared Towards Happiness
In some cases, when a woman has been married for a number of years, she’ll begin to feel restless. That restlessness can, in turn, manifest itself into unhappiness. If you hear your wife often complain about how bored she is or that she’s unsure of whether she’s done the things she wants in her life, you can alter her outlook by offering her a peaceful oasis in terms of your physical home as well as in an emotional sense.
Make it clear that you’re there to talk with her whenever she’d like. Be as compassionate as you can and work harder to lighten her load in terms of responsibility. If you can do something as simple as cooking dinner one or two nights a week that not only takes some responsibility off her shoulders, it also shows her that you recognize all that she’s contributing to the family.
Plan things that you know she enjoys doing. That might be something as simple as watching a movie in the evening while eating a big bowl of popcorn. Or maybe your wife is more active and enjoys going for a run several times a week. If that’s the case, suggest to her that you join her. By just showing some interest in her life and the things that are important to her, you’ll be demonstrating just how much you deeply value and appreciate her.
It’s important that you, as her husband, make it clear to her that you are willing to work through whatever issues are at the root of her unhappiness. It will take time to help her find her way back from the difficult emotions she’s feeling now, but if you dedicate yourself to her and to that quest, you’ll not only be rewarded with a happier wife, but a more fulfilling marriage as well.