Why do we tend to blame other people? People are always blaming other people for their circumstances. Blame neatens from life’s uncertainties until they ‘solved’ the problem. But research has found that when you talk negatively to, say, a friend about how awful a colleague is, the listening friend is more likely to associate the negativity to you rather than to the person you’re describing ‘spontaneous trait transference’.
Blame is a narcissistic tendency that places my self-interest above yours. That’s perfectly natural, since we’re all wired that way. They don’t care, as long as they’re in the clear.. Projection hence has can work by distraction. A way of finding cause is to blame someone. Few go to work thinking ‘I’ll fail today. Few also are lazy or incompetent. If we are not at fault, we blame to defend. If we are at fault, then we blame to deflect.
I’m not saying we should never blame other people. It seems we need to tread a path between overly internalizing (“Everything is always my fault!”) and overly externalizing (“Why do other people always screw up!”) when bad things happen. Doing too much of either make us off-balance and unhappy. Having the ‘everything and anything I do is self-justifiably wonderful and right!’ type of attitude is okay if you’re two, but I’m guessing you’re not.
And the fact is, we all need feedback about ourselves. Otherwise, we don’t move forward. The pill can be bitter to swallow sometimes, but it can do us an awful lot of good. We can be our own ‘jesters’. Blaming doesn’t have to mean ‘punishing’. If you are big enough to realize when you have made a mistake, you can admit it and then find ways, if possible, to make things better. That’s all it takes and all you can do. If other people use it as an excuse to turn on you, then that’s their issue. If you feel you have a tendency to blame others unfairly, then you’ve already become your own Jester and everyone needs one.
Most people will refuse to even countenance the idea that they may be prone to unfairly blaming others. So you’ve already taken a massive step. If something doesn’t work out, it’s easy to get creative and find some reason why it’s someone else’s fault. Learn to relax with not actually knowing for a while why something worked out the way it did. Tolerate the temporary uncertainty of just not knowing until you get a wider perspective on things. Jumping to blame the first person isn’t an effective way of going about things.Wait for a bit by telling yourself: “Okay, this is the situation at the moment. Now, what’s the very best thing I can now do in these circumstances?”
While the habit of blaming others is very common still there is no one common reason behind it but instead there are many different reasons that could make a person blame others. So behind the act of blaming others FEAR/ INSECURITY might exist! They learned it from their parents. Some parents have failed to teach their children how to take responsibility for their actions and so they grew up as adults who blame others whenever something bad happens.
The ability to accept what went wrong is how you can improve and develop yourself. It doesn’t mean that you might be able to convince a lot of people to sympathize you but this won’t make you progress as a human being. You need to develop the capacity to respond to the feedback life gives us about ourselves free of either the distorting effects of low self-esteem or conceit and arrogance.
If you are used to just dishing out the blame on others and not accepting your part, no wonder people are talking behind your back. They will resent you and eventually hate you for lack of responsibility in accepting the consequence of your actions.
Remember, life is full of people who take emotional shortcuts and blame other people unfairly for their sake, don’t be one of them.